The Diaper that Ate Cleveland

I just giggled. And giggled and giggled and giggled.

What else could I do? The whole situation was so absurd -- there we were, rather experienced parents, faced with the diapering situation that proved we had somehow sinned against nature.

And I giggled.

Y'all have read my disclaimer to the right, right? This is one of those bodily fluid posts. Actually, it's really a comedy of errors post which uses a dirty diaper as the antagonist. Scott and I are the protagonists, though our actions were less-than-heroic.

Here's the setting: a small lobby in an academic building at a large local institution where we have brought our older two children to be experimented upon. Cue maniacal evil laugh. No, really, they were taking part in a non-invasive psychological experiment where they looked at images on a computer and touched the screen -- nothing painful, nor scary, though they were ensconced in a sound-proof booth.

Milo was first up and after he was whisked away, Scott and I decided to change Willa's poopy diaper. Willa is a power pooper -- she only goes every 3-4 days and when she does, she can fill a diaper like none other. We knew this was going to be a two-person job as there wasn't an adequate place for us to lay her for the change, so she was on her diaper pad on a low vinyl loveseat. Violet was sitting by her feet, Scott was prepped to grab her legs, and I was ready with the wipes.

First error: Not picking the floor. For reasons that will become obvious at some point in this growing narrative.

Second error: Not assembling all of the diapering needs before starting. Also for reasons soon to become apparent.

So I unsnap the diaper cover (we're cloth diapering) and discover poop of the normal amount and consistency. Scott holds Willa's legs, probably higher than she'd like because she starts making yowl-y discontent sounds. At this time, the diaper mess is contained in the diaper and I am working systematically to get the poo off of her. For an unknown reason, Scott lets go of her right leg and she immediately puts her tiny sock right into the diaper. He grabs her leg and peels off the sock as I chide him for letting go.

Good-naturedly he replies, "Yeah... that was a bonehead rookie error. I was pulling down my shirt." OK, I get not wanting to show your back hair to the world, but we were the only ones there. If only we'd stopped there...

As I'm about to get the last of the poo, Willa suddenly decides she wants to check out what's going on down there, flailing her arms towards the mess. I grab her hand before it comes in contact with the poo, but her shirt became an unfortunate casualty. Finally, I wipe the last of the poo from her bum -- it was a five wipe diaper (to this point). Scott gently peels her poopy shirt over her head as I turn my back for a second to grab a new diaper cover (I already had the diaper in hand).

Third Error: Turning our backs for just a moment.

As I turn back around, I notice a growing wet spot under my babe. She was peeing. And the diaper mat is not absorbant. I stood there, frozen, thinking, "She's not going to pee THAT much, is she?"

Right? Wrong.
RIGHT?? WRONG!!

Fourth Error: Freezing up like a popsicle in Antarctica.

Fifth Error: Not watching where your feet are going when you're moving.

Scott notices my statue impression and dives into the fray to soak up the pee with the poopy shirt he's holding (instead of the absorbent diaper I was holding like a white flag, surrendering to the situation). As he lunges past me, he catches his toenail on something, breaking it and crying, "Ow!"

He folds the diaper mat around Willa like a taco shell to stem the flood of pee from soaking the couch, all the while sucking air through his teeth and exhaling "Ow! Ow! Ow!"

And that's when I lost it. I fell into a giggle fit that lasted at least ten minutes.

In a matter of moments, I had Willa re-diapered and had shown Scott where the spare onesies were. We wiped up the pee, dressed the baby, crammed every soiled thing into my wet bag, and then looked over to see the absolutely horrified look on Violet's little face.

What was running through her mind? Was she appalled by the bodily functions of her infant sister? Fearing for her life at being left in the hands of us as parents? Wondering how she managed to make it to the ripe old age of 3 and 3/4 without suffering physical harm? All of the above?

So, anyway... Just when you think you've got the whole parenting thing figured out, Revenge of the Diaper will strike and put you right back in your place.

What?? Four Weeks Old? Nope, Five and a Half...

Can it really be that the girls are four weeks old? Well, they were when I started this post. Now they're five and a half weeks old. Wowzers!

I know... time flies at warp speed around here.

Last week marks another fun milestone: the girls are big enough to wear the cloth diapers that I have been so darn eager to use! So they are wearing some organic cotton pre-folds (Green Mountain Diapers) fastened with Snappis and a lavender Thirsties Snap-Wrap covers. To match the lavender trim on their sleep and plays, of course!

Both girls are getting chubby little thighs, finally. All of the eating they've been doing is really paying off. I was worried that all of the weight they have been gaining would end up on their cheeks, but they seem to be spreading it around and are filling out most adorably.

In news of the really odd, they both make this bizarre grunting sound as they wake up -- sort of like a 300lb trucker trying to give birth to a moose. They start with this noise about half an hour before a feeding. It is amusing during the day and disconcerting at night as it does, in fact, wake me wide awake. Scott? Not so much.

And, finally, some news of our poor forgotten older children. Well, they're not really forgotten -- we're all just currently preoccupied with the babies. Including the older kids -- I can't walk across a room holding one of them without Violet begging to "see the baby," which usually involves her sing-songing "Hi, cutie pie!" and kissing their cheeks. Milo is currently banned from cheek-kissing for the second time in the last month because he has had not one, but two fever-inducing colds. Yesterday's was brief, as in he woke up this morning running a 97.5, but he spent the Monday and Tuesday the week right after the babies' births home from school sick with a sinus infection. Sigh... Poor guy can't miss a germ, I swear.

Kid funnies: Milo has taken to throwing disco parties in his room. Which means that he turns on all of the fancy and flashing lights he can find and cranks "Do the Bartman" as loud as I can stand and we all dance.

And Scott relayed the following conversation he overheard Milo having with his best friend at the grocery store as Milo was deciding which fruit snacks to bring to his class party:

Milo's friend, as he points to a box of John Deere fruit snacks: Hey, this box says "Made with real fruit!"

Milo, as he gestures to a box of My Little Pony fruit snacks: Hey, these are made with real ponies!

Yesterday, we gave Violet her first ball glove and ball. It is, of course, pink and black. And she was ever so excited to use it. After dinner, Scott took the kids out to toss the ball around while I pumped (my second job, I swear). Three minutes later, Violet came back into the house, bawling so hard she was incoherent. Something about "Daddy" and "ball" and "my nose!"

Moments later, a hang-dog daddy came around the corner, sighing, "The first ball I tossed to her and I was only two feet away from her. She didn't move her glove at all..."

I'm not sure who felt worse.

22 Weeks Down, 16 to Go

I had my week 22 OB appointment today. It started with an ultrasound (#5). Both girls look great -- both growing and gaining and, currently, both head down. Let's hope they stay that way!!

Baby A's stats: measuring 22 weeks, 1 day and 1 pound 1 ounce
Baby B's stats: measuring 22 weeks, 3 days and 1 pound, 2 ounces

My stats: up 5lbs -- thank you holiday eating. This is the only weight gain I've posted so far, so I think that's OK -- 5 pounds in 22 weeks...
Blood pressure 122/78 using the fat lady cuff. Skinny young nurse didn't believe me that I needed it, but I do.
Cervical length is still right around 5cm. Anything over 3 is considered normal for just one baby, let alone two.

I didn't see my regular doctor, but the one I did see said, "You look perfect for carrying just one and even more perfect for carrying two! Great job, mama!"

And I simply cannot believe that there are less than 16 weeks until I hit 38 weeks - that's the point of induction/c-section/twin eviction. Wow...

In fun news, the babies' car seats will be here tomorrow, along with a twin stroller frame for the car seats and 10 Thirsties Snap Wrap cloth diaper covers, size 1. I figure they can get size 2 covers as a Christmas present next year, as I doubt either will hit 18 pounds by 9 months. 18 pounds is the upper limit of the size 1 covers and Violet didn't hit that weight until 1 year.

OHholycowisthispregnancyflyingby!!!

My Christmas Wish List

OK, this is one of those posts that might not really, necessarily be about what I really WANT, more about what I could really use for the upcoming year.

Diapers.

Lots and lots of diapers.  Two little bum's worth of diapers and related products.
So, here's my wish list, in case there's anyone out there (ahem, Secret Santa) who thinks getting me diapers for Christmas sounds like a super idea.

1.  All-in-one diapers for day care.  I don't want my poor sitter having to work too hard to keep my babies tushies in eco and wallet friendly cloth.  After all, she's not just changing MY kids' diapers.  Here are some that I think I'd like:  Sposo-Easy All-in-One Diapers  with snaps, I think.  I've heard that the hook-and-loop ones are sometimes a pain.  Probably 8 each of the small and medium sized diapers.  That way I have enough for four diaper changes each at day care -- where they'll be for four hours a day.  I plan to tote them there and back, washing daily.

2.  Cloth diapers.  These look nice and soft and absorbent:  Cloth-eez Pre-Fold diapers  I'm thinking a couple dozen in each size – newborn, small, medium, and large.  This looks like it would get my twins through age 3 or so.

3.  Diaper covers.  To contain the pre-fold diapers.  Again, I'm looking at snap covers.  Thirsties Duo-Wraps seem to have gotten pretty good reviews, so let's start there!  I think I'd need maybe 8 in each size, maybe 12 if I wanted to do laundry every other day.

4.  A diaper pail.  That's pretty self explanatory.

5.  Wet bags.  Another one that seems pretty easy to locate.  Bonus points for finding a totally cute fabric one so I don't feel like a garbage man as I carry it to and fro...  Here are some examples.

6.  Diaper laundry detergent.  My cloth-diapering friends all SWEAR by Rockin Green and I've ordered sample for my regular laundry and love it.  Phosphate free, so good for my septic system.  I'm guessing we'd need the Hard Rock variety, but I'd be incredibly interested in the Ammonia Bouncer, Pail Freshener, and Dryer Balls, too.  Rage Against the Raspberries was my favorite scent.

It took a small amount of convincing to get Scott on board with this -- he remembers the days of cloth diapers with diaper pins and other torture devices.  But putting this expense all up front with basically just laundry soap for maintenance costs just seemed so much more economical than buying five boxes of diapers a month for the next two-three years.  Not to mention that I think I’ve gone greener living out in the country – I’ve been using shampoo bars and handmade soaps to reduce the plastic of shampoo/conditioner and body wash bottles.  I recycle everything I can think to recycle and try to avoid buying foods that are more preservative than food.  I think this next step just makes sense for us at this point.

So, if any of you experienced cloth-diapering parents out there have any advice, I’d be more than willing to hear it!  Drop me a line or leave a comment and let me know if I’ve missed anything here…