Monday, June 28, 2010

I Am Proud to be a Theta Mom

Being a mother has pushed me so far out of my comfort zone that I have to wear a safety helmet just to look back at what I have done in the last five years.

I have suffered the indignities of (multiple) trans-vaginal ultrasounds.  I have worn more bodily fluids than I thought was possible to house in a toddler.  I have survived the withering glance of cruel old women in a McDonalds, a glance made because my child's coat fell on the floor, oh the horror!  I have allowed my home to be overrun by Star Wars guys and princess dress-up clothes, by Little People and washable markers. 

But most of all, I have relinquished my meager sense of control.  I know that, despite me wishing, hoping and cajoling, my children are not me.  They are bound -- mandated, even -- to live their own lives, to make their own mistakes, and to celebrate their own victories.  They are growing, reaching, yearning in spite of me.

It is simply my job to cultivate the world around them, to make it a safe place for them to test their imaginations, theories, and flights of fancy.  I wield the sword of motherhood, the shield of love, and the helm of experience and I use this armor daily as I fight to keep my children free - free to become a person that is so ultimately NOT ME.

I could, perhaps, try to force them into a life that is as ill-fitting as a pair of outgrown shoes, but has anyone ever looked back and said, "I am so glad my parents loved who they wanted me to be and not who I am!  Really, I am..."

And so I equip them with manners, advise them on how to approach decisions, and help them understand consequences.  In every moment, I leave them with as many tools as I know possible because surely one of them will fit the situation, right?  But in some instances there are no tools, there is no expertise, and my advice is not heeded.  And then I open my arms wide, wide, wide to engulf my hurt, angry, or utterly confused babe, using my body and heart to create a barrier, to hopefully absorb some of the pain, to help them make sense of the nonsense.  On every breath I hope that I have done it right, knowing that I am fighting a losing battle, that there are times when my love will not be enough, not even close to enough.

This is why I am  Theta Mom.  To find out what that means, check out this blog entry over at Theta Mom.


Maureen said...

LOL on the transvaginal ultrasounds, man, I hated that part!
I love your last paragraph as that is one of the biggest legacy us parents can leave our babies. Thanks for sharing this!

Theta Mom said...

"Knowing that I am fighting a losing battle, that there are times when my love will not be enough, not even close to enough," <--- we have to think that at some point, it would be enough and what we teach them along the way will stick. We can hope, right? ;)

You ARE a Theta Mom and so glad you joined us!!

Penny @ said...

Thank you so much for sharing why you are a Theta Mom. I have really enjoyed the Theta Mom hop today.

Thanks so much for the comment on my blog, it is much appreciated.

Brianne said...

Sometimes I feel like my kids are growing, reaching, and yearning DEspite of me! lol

Sounds like you have an awesome grasp on what mother hood truly is. Doing our best and hoping for a good turn out! :)

I am going to check out what a Theta Mom is now!

{PS} I have given you an award on my blog! Come check it out!

IASoupMama said...

Maureen and Penny -- thank you for stopping by -- I am so glad to meet you ~

Heather, I have really, really enjoyed reading all of the posts on your theme -- you've got some super writers and awesome moms keeping you company.

Cara Mamma said...

Control (or giving it up) and letting our children be who they are....probably the hardest things a parent has to do! (control is a tough one for me..... I am also a teacher after all, so my control issues run pretty deep!) :)

Cameron said...

I love this! It is definitely so important to allow our children to be free to become whoever it is they want to be - even if that is different from us. I know this is particularly important to my husband. His dad always expected him to be a certain way & was disappointed when he didn't live up to it - even though my husband is incredibly intelligent, talented, sincere & giving - he wanted tattoos & wanted to play music & apparently that wasn't ok with a conservative government-employed accountant.

We find it very important to make sure our children know they are valued exactly as they are & they don't have to fit a certain criteria or model for us to be proud of them!

I love this post & I think you sound like a wonderful mother!! Definitely a Theta Mom!!

LambAround said...

Greetings from Lamb! Thank you for stopping by to show me some bloggy love. It was quite a shock to wake up and discover that I’d been featured on SITS, especially with my face covered in sticky cinnamon! Now I have lots of fun new blogs to explore. If you do try out my face mask, be sure to take a photo and email it to me. I’ll feature you in a post with a link to your blog :)

LambAround’s latest post: My Awkward Family Photo

IASoupMama said...

Cara and Cameron -- thank you! I hope I can parent half as well as I write about parenting...

Lamb, I promise to send you a pic if I give the mask a try!

And Brianne, thank you so much for the award -- I'm posting on it today over lunch. Gracias!