NaBloPoMo

Do you know what today is?  It's November 30.  Why is that date special?  Because, unbeknown to you, I am completing a blog challenge: National Blog Posting Month.  Basically, you create a blog post every day for a month.  And I did it!  Wa-hoo! 

I didn't announce it ahead of time that I was doing it because I didn't want to look like a fool if I wasn't able to keep up.  And I wasn't sure that I could -- it's been a hella busy month at work and at home, plus I'm still wiped from the twinlets and sleepy from lack of sleep (thank you, bladder).  And, for some reason, though I did submit my blog link, it never appeared in the blogroll.  Grrr...

So, here I am... at the end of a month with 30 blog entries.  I have to admit that they have really blurred together.  I'm not sure that I could keep up with a daily entry for months on end.  I don't know that I have all THAT much to say, and we all know that blogs with nothing to say are bad reads.  Since I don't do reviews or give-aways, all I have is the writing and if it is too diluted or boring, I don't even have that.  OK, I have cute kid pictures sometimes, too.

Anyway, I'm pooped.  And I might not blog tomorrow -- we'll see...

Hey, here's an idea: if anyone out there who happens to read this wants to ask me a question, go for it!  I promise to answer with more than one word, unless you ask me something like "do you like dark chocolate or milk chocolate better"?  Answer: dark.  I can't really answer that with more than one word. OK, I could say dark chocolate and it would be two words, but you get the picture, right?

If this works, great!  If it doesn't, meh...  

Gracias, Mi Amigos!

In the quiet cold of January, I sat restless, feeling complacent, tedious, and dull.  I wasn't sure what my next move was, didn't know where the road was going.  The winter fog surrounded me like middle-age complacency and I was lost.

A thought danced around the edge of my mind, I flirted with if, then pushed it away in a cat-and-mouse game.  Finally, it spoke so loudly that I had no choice but to listen.  It said, "Take your blog public.  Share and connect with others.  Reach out using your voice..."

And I did.

In the last year I have shared triumphs and disappointments, laughter and sorrow.  I write honestly, which can be both brutal and hilarious -- sometimes hilariously brutal.

I am not the best blogger out there and I don't aim to be that.  I'm not the funniest, the most relevant, the most heart-rending, the -est of anything.  I'm not the best writer, the best self-promoter, the most interesting.  I am me and that's good enough for, well, me.


I have been so fortunate that in this exploration I have encountered only support, that I have formed friendships and made connections.  That I feel tapped into a larger part of my world and that I can share something extraordinary with you.

Why am I writing this today?

Over the weekend I hit a milestone I never figured I'd see.  It seems small, but for me it is huge -- I have 100 people following me through Google friend connect.  That's 91 more than when I first started out.  I just wanted to thank each and every one of you for your support, kindness and good thoughts.  They are so much appreciated!  I hope to continue to build upon this relationship and hope that you are interested in watching my journey unfold.

Gracias, mi amigos!

Happy Second Blog-o-versary to Me!

That's right!  Two years ago I started writing about my kids on my lunch hour as a way to keep a virtual baby book for them because I am fundamentally lazy and have handwriting that is beyond atrocious.  I can't even read what I've scrawled sometimes, let alone my poor children thirty years from now when they want to know when they got their first tooth.

I came out of the blog closet in January and, boy-howdy, has my life changed.

I have made some wonderful friends, women to whom I genuinely look up because they're amazing people and wonderful writers who have fascinating and engaging stories to tell. 

I have shared more of my life with people who have known me forever, family members who remember me when I was the age of my babes, cousins living too far away for real hugs, and friends with whom I have lost touch.

I have found a community where my voice fits in, harmonizing with others who write on the melody of motherhood.  And my voice has become stronger, more supported, more able to be heard through the crescendos and decrescendos of life.

I have had face-to-face conversations with people about things on my blog, shared with them the joys and pains of the last two years of my life as honestly as I can.  I'm not really sure how to do it otherwise.

And, because this is me, I can't get away from this post without poking fun at myself a little...

The Soup Nazi tweeted "No soup for you!" to me because my twitter ID is IASoupMama.  For real.  The real Soup Nazi.  Althoughm the joke's on him as he hasn't been here (as far as I can tell) -- no Soup for him!

And finally, not one but TWO friends have compared me to David  Sedaris.  Wha-what?  I'm flattered, but my humor is to David Sedaris's humor as a drop of tequila is to a swimming pool of margarita.  So hand me a lime so I can go swimming, already!

Here are a few of my faves from the last year.  If you like 'em, great, let me know!  If you don't, please don't tell me -- I don't want to cry at my on party...

• Humor: Socially Inept Mom Braces for Impact
• More Humor: The Text Heard 'Round KC
• Even More Humor: Muffin Top
• Infertility: Life Beetween Two Pink Lines
• Miscarriage: Not Again
• Motherhood: Rebirth

Lost: One Sense of Humor

Hey!  Who stole my sense of humor?  I'm missing it right about now...

Oh, where, oh, where has my hu-u-mor gone?  Oh, where, oh, where could it be?

Go, go, gadget funny mom!

Paging Dr. Giggles -- we need a humor transfusion, STAT!

Yeah... I'm not buying it... are you?

Sometimes life kinda presses the juices out of you, that's pretty much where I'm at right now.  And yet, the winner of the Scholastic Parent Blogger Awards will be announced any day now (I'm totally chewing my fingernails off in anticipation...).  And my blog was nominated in the Humor category.  When the nominations were released, I got a bump in views.  I sort of expect that when the winners are announced, I might, too.  So I gotta find the funny sauce before then... 'cuz I just *might* (wink, wink) have won that contest.  This is no time to go bloggy AWOL, even if I am green with envy from reading posts about BlogHer...

In the mean time, I set out to paint Violet's room.  You see, when I am overwhelmed by life, I need to undertake a project.  Of large proportions, apparently.  And what could be better than painting a bedroom with two little naked minions?  When we paint, I require the wee clumsy ones to strip down to undies only so that they don't ruin clothing I don't want to replace.  They happily oblige, their little feet sticking to the crinkly plastic drop cloth.

Oh, Violet's wearing undies now, I guess I forgot to mention that one...  Yay for no daytime diapers!!!  She's been dry at night all week, too, but she's hesitant to go diaperless while sleeping.  She's got such a tiny little bum that she never wore a diaper larger than a size 3 -- a size which was long ago bypassed by both of her younger cousins.  Guess they are packin' more in their Pampers than she was...

Anyway, back to painting.  Two walls are periwinkle.  Two are citron green.  And then I traced a four foot tall Tynker-Belle on one wall.  Yes, I deliberately misspelled this because I don't want the crushing weight of a Mouse lawsuit smooshing me into a spot of pasty goo because I painted a licensed character unlawfully on my almost-three-year-old daughter's wall.  You just know there's someone wearing a pair of mouse ears who is paid to search the web for copyright issues...

I'm not quite done yet as I have some free-hand embellishments to do, hopefully this afternoon.  Both kids have temporarily moved into Milo's room -- I'm hoping he's up for a permanent move -- but the room shifting has caused an insane amount of clutter upstairs.  And, because I've been occupied with the painting, the kids have gotten out every toy they own in the downstairs and set up a galaxy-wide battle.  There are enclaves of rebels in the princess castle, mercenaries hiding in the play kitchen refrigerator, and troops massing in the middle of the floor.  So pretty much no room to walk.

Pictures?  Soon...

The laundry is backed up.  The bathrooms need to be cleaned.  I need to go grocery shopping.  The garden needs some attention.  And now I'm considering getting out the sewing machine to work on curtains...  Yes, I have fallen off of the turntable of reality -- I'm flung wide into a sea of decorating-inspired denial.  It's my go-to when I need a pick-me-up.  So don't be surprised if you come to visit me and don't recognize my house...

Spreadin' the Love!

I was recently honored to receive a Versatile Blogger Award from the first person to list me on her blogroll as a "must read."  Well, other than people to whom I am related or have known for the last five years...  I am talking about the lovely Vanita at The After Bedtime Blog.  I want to sincerely thank her and send her lots of working mommy encouragement vibes -- she's a full-time working mom of four who has just started blogging and I bow to her superior time management skills.

The rules for accepting the award include graciously thanking the award giver, sharing 7 things you may or may not know about me, and passing it along.  Since Vanita is a new blogger, I decided to pass this along to several friends who are also writing brand spanking new (or pretty darn close to new) blogs:

chgomomx3 at Funny on the Internet -- She and I actually share a brain.  Sometimes we even use it at the same time, ooh!
KellyLane at Kelly Rambles On -- A funny lady with the biggest heart known to man.  *muah*
The Laughing Librarian at The Other Side of the Stacks -- You don't want to be drinking anything when you read this one, lest you spit it on your screen...
Becky at WAITING FOR OUR GIRL  OK, Becky has been blogging for longer than I have, but she totally rocks!  And she's sharing her family's adoption journey with the world.
Anna at Earn Money From Home (For Real) Anna is a stay-at-home mom who knows how to work the internet, baby.  She's checked out and participated in nearly every link she furnishes.

Why did I pick these lovely women?
Five years ago we all met in an online parenting forum -- we all have children between the ages of 4 and 5 and have been with each other through thick and thin, the good, the bad, the ugly and the sublime.  These lovelies are my online sisters, so don't say nuttin' bad about 'em or you'll have the full force of my wit with which to recon.

Seven other things you may or may not know about me:
1.  It pains me to end a sentence with a preposition.  Hence the awkward threat above.
2.  I don't like beer.
3.  I really want to cut my hair into a fauxhawk and dye it bright pink, but it's not likely to happen.
4.  My vocal range goes almost as low ans Scott's.
5.  I don't care for scrambled eggs.  For some reason, that texture makes me gag.
6.  Lilacs are my favorite flower.
7.  I could spend all day kissing Violet's plump little cheeks.  Sigh...

Versatility

Hey, look what I found in my comments from yesterday!

Brianne over at The Photog Nazi has shared with me the Versatile Blogger Award!

The guidelines for accepting this award require the recipient to (1) thank the person who gave it to you; (2) tell 7 things about yourself; and (3) pass the award on to 05 bloggers, whom you have recently discovered and think are fantastic.

Since I have been known to follow directions, here goes!

Thank you sincerely to Brianne for her support of my fledgling blog.  You should stop by her blog and check out her A-MA-ZING photography.  I so wish she lived closer to me...






Seven things about me:

1. I like to be barefoot
2. I prefer dark chocolate to milk chocolate
3. I had a Brooke Shields doll when I was a kid and I didn’t know who she was
4. I failed fantastically at nursing Milo; I was a stupendous success nursing Violet
5. My wedding ring is stuck on my finger
6. I I have never had a manicure or pedicure
7. Dentures scare me

And five fabulous bloggers (do I really have to pick just five??):

1. Allison at The Adventures of Bean and Goobs  I discovered her thanks to the Scholastic blog awards -- she was my competition, *mean face * and grrrr, but I liked her blog so much I up and followed her!
2. Mama Pipes at My Corn Cadenza  She's a mom of a simply gorgeous baby girl and an opera singer trying to figure out what step to take next in the Opera Capital of the World: Iowa
3. Rhonda,The Lively One, at The Natives Are Getting Restless is a bloggy buddy - we bounce ideas off each other like ping pong balls, minus the paddling
4. Denise at Musings de Mommy for having a truly exquisite voice -- I gladly bow to her superior WSP (writing super-powers)!
5. Bethany at Stories of an Imperfect Mom because I just get her sense of humor -- she's a girl after my own heart!

All Buttoned Up

On last Saturday morning, when I was the only human awake in the house, I plunked myself down in front of my computer with my coffee.  I was eating marshmallows for breakfast -- hey, they were leftovers from the "bomb fire" we threw last week.  Isn't it in the Mommy Contract that all mommies must eat leftovers?

I check facebook.  I check my parenting message boards.  I check my blog (no comments, rats!).  Then I think to check my blog's email -- you know, the one I created after I bought my domain name and gave an impossibly hard to remember password to?  Yeah that one.

What was waiting for me?  A notification that I was a finalist for a contest that I was pretty sure I hadn't entered.  Oh, sure, I have heard of Parent and Child Magazine.  And I order from Scholastic every book order.  But what was this?  A scam?  A practical joke?  I had no idea.  None.

My first instinct is to find out what "the girls" say (not my boobs, they usually remain silent), so I drop by the eerily quiet parenting forums I frequent.  But wait, it's 7:00 o'clock on a Saturday and the regular crowd isn't shuffling in.  No one can tell me if the Scholastic contest is a scam because they are either sleeping or out and about for weekend activities, clearly ignoring my all-consuming dilemma.

Maybe it's one of those awards that everyone wins?  Will I look like an absolute doof posting the button to my blog?  Will the seasoned mommy bloggers point and giggle behind their screens?  Well, OK, there aren't that many seasoned mommy bloggers that read my blog.  Maybe two?  I'd better not say numbers lest I alienate a follower.

I Google the author of the email and she comes up listed in seventy-bazillion places with the job she says she has in her email, so I decide that if someone were trying to scam me, they surely wouldn't have gone to the trouble of setting up THAT many secondary links.  Especially for an email which wasn't asking me for money, a blood donation, or my used socks.  That makes me far less paranoid -- I'm not gonna hole up in my cabin with a shotgun, wearing a tinfoil hat over this.

I ramble over to facebook where a friend cops to nominating me for this award, so thank you dear far-away friend for cheering me up -- you have no idea how much I needed this!

So I decide to post the button.  And see what comes of it.  Maybe someone will stop by and laugh at me for posting it, but there's a greater chance that someone will stop by and laugh with me because I posted it.  So as long as no one laughs milk through their nose and onto my keyboard, we'll be good to go!

 

Vote for Me!!

I was never very good at the whole popularity thing, I readily acknowledge this.  Middle school was painful, probably no more painful than it was for any other students, but it sure felt that way at the time.

But age has made me brave and more confident.  Did you believe that?  Maybe I am a better actress than I thought.

To make a long story short, someone, somewhere has found my blog and decided to enter it into a blog competition.  Who?  Scholastic Parent and Child Magazine.  To say that my inclusion in this contest was a surprise is a huge understatement.  Like a "the Titanic hit an ice cube" understatement.

My 63-follower blog is tiny when compared to so many well-polished, beautifully coiffed mommy blogs with thousands of followers out there.  I only bought my own domain a couple of weeks go.  I made my banner in PowerPoint, there is no one to credit for blog design (or anti-design, if I look too shabby).  I am sincerely small-town, which suits me just fine.  Many people live in the city and visit small towns, others choose to live in small towns and visit the big city.  I think both are needed, that variety should be encouraged.

Anyway, if you feel like voting for this gawky, clumsy, thirteen-year-old in braces and a training bra, please do!

New Home!

It's Saturday night and I'm dead on my feet, but I just had to poke around and figure out why on earth my blog wasn't publishing to the new address. I did get the issue solved and I'm thrilled!  Yee-haw!  My own domnain name...

Oh, didn't I tell you?  I decided to splurge and buy my own domain name.  Like the swanky new digs?  Eh...  many bloggers do that from the get-go, but not me.  Nope, as it is with all trends, I have to buck against the system for a bit before giving it a go.  That is my own little rebellion.

Anyway, welcome to www.iasoupmama.com  I hope you like it here and stop by for another helping when you have the time!

Maybe one of these days I'll switch to Wordpress, too...  We'll see...  I just want some cute graphics that incorporate a cornfield, a soup can, and a red-haired mama of two (desperately wanting to be three) beautiful babes...  Is that too much for a girl to ask?

Juicy Secrets

So, the other day, Scott says to me,"My mom said she liked the picture of the chickens."

I said, "Oh, good!  I thought it was pretty cute."

"You know, she reads your blog." 

He said this like it was breaking news.  I blinked.  "Yep.  So does her sister.  And my sister.  And maybe some other family, too.  I don't say anything unflattering, I promise."

"Oh, I'm not worried about that.  I don't care what you say, I haven't read you blog in forever.  Since the 2008 election."

And that pleasant and nonchalant exchange, I believe, equals permission to write about whatever I'd like to write about.  That I secretly wish I was three inches taller.  Or that my daughter ran around last night with just one pigtail in.  That I think Brad Pitt is a terrible actor.  Or that I think dark chocolate is da bomb.

It's just too damn bad I have no juicy secrets...

Ultimate Blog Party 2010

Hello!  Although I am not really a new mom blogger (I have been blogging since August of 2008), I am a sort-of-newish public blog mama since February of 2010.  Don't ask me why I felt the need to suddenly go public with my blog, I'm not sure I really have a reason for it.  I do know that it seems like a fairly healthy way to have a midlife crisis, right?

Anyway, if you are dropping by to join the party, please overlook the dog fur and kid toys -- I've got two of each and trying to pretend they don't exist is pointless.  Grab a seat, but don't be surprised if my son begs to play Star Wars guys with you or my daughter drags you to the kid-sized table where she's sticking glittery stickers to a piece of pink construction paper.  Or if my husband kidnaps you to the basement where we're keeping our first brood of Buff Orpington chicks, at least until he gets the coop built.  Did you know that they have automatic chicken coop doors?  I didn't know that until yesterday, either.

My life is pretty ordinary, and I'm sure that is the biggest reason I didn't go public with my blog when I first started writing.  I was a good student, married my college sweetheart, moved to a mid-Atlantic state when he was in graduate school, returned to Iowa when he was offered a job about 35 miles from where he grew up -- a big surprise for us because he's a theatre designer and this is, well, this is Iowa.  We got a dog, bought a little house, gutted it, got another dog, and renovated the house.

Then we decided to start a family.  After an ectopic pregnancy, we had our wonderful son in June of 2005 and made him the big brother of a little sister in September of 2007.  We are currently battling unexpected secondary infertility.  I swallowed my first dose of Clomid about an hour ago.  I don't feel any more fertile yet...

This past November, we bought a big old farmhouse out in the country.  This has been a bit of an adjustment for us (mice.  Mice.  Mice!  MICE!), though we are eager to put in a gi-gundous garden this spring and, as I said, we have a small flock of chickens started in the basement.  Because organic brown eggs sound super, don't they?

Here are some of my quirks:
1.  I like to be funny.  Sarcastic, even -- I know, SHOCKER!  If you don't want to read a blog where the author admits her shortcomings and pokes fun at herself, you shouldn't read mine. 
2.  I like to write.  I've never hosted a give-away, nor have I monetized my blog.  Yet.  If I end up pregnant with Clomid quintuplets, I might have to change that policy.
3.  I am a fan of the chain description: words-tied-together-with-hyphens-to-make-a-funny-run-on-point.  Yep.  I like me my hyphens...  And ellipses...
4.  I like comments.  OK, who doesn't.  I follow up diligently. Really, I do!
5.  I'm a lunch-hour blogger, so if my schedule gets keee-razy, I don't get a chance to give my blog or bloggy friends the love.  I hope you can forgive me, but I gots-ta pay the bills.  My hubby works in arts education, 'nuff said.
6.  I try to be positive and witty and clever, but the struggle we've had trying to conceive baby #3 has stretched my good humor to the limit.  Some of my more recent posts were a little darker than I would normally write.  But, since I am above all an honest blogger, writing something that was all cheery and rah-rah-rah when I was feeling blah-blah-blah was resoundingly fake, so I didn't do it. 

Here are some of my most favorite posts:
Malfunctioning Bedroom Devices
Brontophobia: Fear of Storms
Sleep

In case my blog gets pulled for a prize, here are my top three choices:

US6 – Hand Stamped Personalized Necklace valued at $48 The Double Stacked A Lot Of Love.
Provided by: Kristen’s Custom Creations  I lved this design and don't have any mother's jewelry!


US97 – One winner will receive a beautiful handmade wire and colorful bead necklace from the mission-driven company, Ana Patricia!  just thought this was so much fun!

USC 10 – One winner will receive a beautiful handmade glass pendant with their choice of chain. The piece is made by me with care using glass and paper.  The design I will give away is called “Lilac“.  I fell in love with this -- so very pretty!

Other prizes in which I'm interested: US39, US44, US66, US110, and USC19.  My son is 4 and daughter is 2, so anything appropriate for them is fine, too!

Milestone: 100th Post

I've hit a milestone!  My 100th post.  So, in honor of that, I thought I'd try a blog hop today.  Although it is doubtful I'll grow my followers from 20 to 100 today, I'm aiming for a 50% increase so that I get to 30.  As always, I reciprocate and love commenting!

I've also decided to point you toward some of my favorite posts.

It's Raining, It's Pouring is my reaction to the news that a good friend had (yes, HAD -- now she has a lovely pair of C cups that I covet) breast cancer.  It's might not be as funny as some of my posts, but I think it one of my most revealing posts.  I still tear up over this post.

Sidewalk is one of my most wistful and bittersweet posts, also the post where I feel like I really hit my stride and started singing most clearly with my voice.  It is about my darling Violet.

Lessons is about my Milo.  It is also the moment when I started tagging my posts "Mom Lessons" when I realize I'm learning more than my kids.

Laughter is the Best Medicine might be the best window into my sense of humor and the relationship I have with my family.  It makes me giggle when I read it, so I hope you like it, too!

Hosted by One 2 Try, Hearts Make Families, and Midday Escapades.

Decision

Yesterday was a lousy day. Seriously rotten. It started with me waking to find one of the dogs had an accident overnight and ended with me crying myself to sleep.

Actually, aside from the poop, the morning was fine. Work was good, I had a good lunch (well, I had a root beer float for lunch and it tasted good), and getting Milo to school was all fine. Then it went downhill.

As you may have deduced, we are trying to conceive our third child. Yesterday, it was obvious that I am, again, not pregnant. Per my doctor's orders, I called her office, chatted with the nurse for a little while, then was transferred to scheduling to make an appointment. The scheduler said, Thursday, April first and I blinked. I said, "The first is on a Monday." And it is -- in February and March. But it is on a Thursday in APRIL. Two months from now. I stammered, "B-b-b-but I'm an established patient..."

I can't recall much of the rest of the conversation as my calendar started swimming before my eyes and my heart started pounding so loud that I couldn't hear. "Nine or two thirty?" Nine or two thirty for what? I answer, "Nine." My desk seems far away, like my arms are telescoping. All I can see on my Outlook calendar is April first and the nine o'clock appointment I scheduled for that day, two months from now. I am crying on the phone to a scheduler and I feel like I'm about four inches tall. When I hang up, I cry hard for about twenty minutes before dragging myself to a meeting across campus. I am actually thankful that the wind is gusting so hard because it hides from my co-workers the fact that I have been sobbing.

The meeting is a blur. I race back across campus to pick up the kids, who protest leaving. Milo, in particular, doesn't want to stop playing with his best friend. I can't blame him -- anyone was more fun than me yesterday. We get loaded into the car and start for home and I drive into a blizzard. Three times the driving snow completely obscures the road and I held the car steady, hoping that we weren't on ice. Three times we emerge from the squall still squarely on the road and I thank my instincts.

We get home and, though only about an inch of snow has fallen, there is a three-foot drift between the garage and the house. I guided my car gently into the garage and told the kids that I would be taking them, one at a time, to the house because the wind and snow were so bad. Milo was too heavy to carry, but he gripped my hand tightly as we started out toward the house. The wind was at our backs and it actually blew him a few feet on the icy driveway, which he thought was fun. We navigated through the drift and to the house. As I let him in, the door flew inside so hard that it nearly took my arm with it. I realized that the garbage cans were tipped and blown across the front yard. Thankfully, they were empty, so garbage wasn't scattered, too.

As I made my way into the wind and back to the garage for Violet, I understood instantly how early prairie settlers could wander into a storm and become lost forever. I couldn't see, the wind was blowing so hard that I could barely breathe, and the only thing guiding me across the drive was the light from the garage door opener. I unbuckled Violet, bundled her and told her to bury her head in my neck as I carried her across the driveway. After setting her safely in the house, I made my last trip back to the car for all of the incidentals -- backpacks, snow pants, purse, shoes, etc. I locked the car and made my last return trip back to the house for the night, thankful that I didn't need to be out any more.

I was greeted by chaos when I get inside -- both kids wanted their winter gear off, the dogs, who had been home alone since morning, wanted out. I was trying to figure out what time it was, concerned that Scott was driving his little yellow car because it doesn't handle well in the snow. As I opened the door to let the dogs out, I see broken glass everywhere. Our recycling bins had been tipped, emptied, and bandied about by the wind. The back yard was glinting with glass, the plastic and cardboard were long gone, swept away by the harsh wind. How ironic that the tubs we were using to keep the environment clean had vomited their contents all over that same environment. Aluminum cans rolled by like sagebrush. I knew that this clean-up would take much time and I wasn't comfortable leaving the kids alone in the house long enough to do it myself, so I apologized to the yard and told the mess it would have to wait until Scott got home.

By the time I got the dogs out and back in, both kids had gotten their winter gear off and Milo came running to tell me that the dogs had gotten into my bathroom garbage again. And they had. There were used tissues and used ovulation predictor kit strips strewn over the floor. I didn't leave this mess to Scott, who was finally pulling into the driveway safely. I'm not sure I've ever been so happy to see him! He bundled up and attempted to track down the garbage cans and as much recycling as he could gather. We had a casualty in that two of our bins were nowhere to be found, we're assuming that they have gone to live the rest of their lives in a cornfield. It took him about an hour to collect as much as he could.

I was pretty teary most of the night, but my children were extra loving and kind, so I am grateful for that. Both took time to snuggle me, both listened well and were on their best behavior. I couldn't be happier about that.

I did come to a decision about my blog, though. In between my phone call with the scheduling nurse and the meeting across campus, I received an email from an Iowa blogger to whom I had sent a few questions about taking a blog public. She responded with a few tips and suggestions, for which I am grateful. Unfortunately, one of her suggestions didn't land well with me in the emotional state that I was in after talking to my doctor's office. The suggestion was to tone down the site so that it would be more family-friendly because most advertisers wouldn't feel comfortable with mt content. In retrospect, it wasn't a bad suggestion, but at the time that I was reading it, I was so vulnerable and hurting so much already that I felt rejected with a capital R. I fixated on this comment for hours. I heard myself thinking, "If only she'd said 'I read your posts and enjoyed them, but...' before she decided I was foul..." In my mind, I worked up a scenario where the Iowa mom blog fairies were all sitting back, laughing at me because the people reading my blog were deranged, immoral criminals or something. That what I write isn't user-approved or recommended by nine out of ten dentists. That, once again, I didn't fit in. It was crushing.

I cried over that almost as much as I cried over not being about to see my doctor for two months. I cried a lot yesterday. A lot. And this morning, in the shower -- that place where all Good Ideas visit -- I decided that if I wasn't able to take a bit of free constructive criticism, I wasn't going to be able to take reader comments on my very real thoughts and feelings. So I am not going to take this blog public to anyone who doesn't already know and love me. I don't want people who don't get my humor to read this and be repulsed. I don't write for them, I write for me. I know that I am a good person, I know that I am kind to those around me and tolerant of all people. I don't need to fit in anywhere but my own life, and, at 36.5 years of age, I'm so OK with that.

So, if you're reading and love me, great! If you're reading and don't love me, great!

Now's the time to

Think, think, think... (Yeah that's from Playhouse Disney's "My Friends Tigger and Pooh".)

I have been toying with going public with my blog. As in actually coming out to people I know, forwarding Soup's address, and following other people's blogs un-anonymously. Here's my pros/cons list:

Pro: Feedback. Initially, I started blogging for myself to grow as a writer, but now I'm thinking a response or two might be kinda fun.

Con: Feedback. Do I really WANT people critiquing my writing? Maybe. Do I want people critiquing my parenting and life choices? Absolutely not.

Pro: I think I am living a very common and ordinary life.

Con: I think I am living a very common and ordinary life. I'm not struggling with abject poverty, massive dysfunction, or hanging on to a sick child. I'm kinda mostly boring -- or at least as boring as one can be while working full-time and raising young children.

Pro: I'm a liberal atheist hippie in the Midwest -- sort of uncommon, I guess. Well, I'm not really a hippie as I have never done drugs. OK, I am guilty of underage drinking. Oh, does using Benadryl to fall asleep occasionally count as drug abuse? I did, however decide that becoming a functional alcoholic wasn't a good career goal, so I have shelved that for the time being.

Con: My viewpoint is different than lots of people I know -- will I be disappointing them by coming out of the closet as a liberal atheist almost-hippie?

Pro: Celebrity status! What? Oh, yeah, I'm in Iowa. There are no real celebrities and I don't post pictures of myself on my blog regularly (mostly because I can barely stand my reflection, why on earth would I expose anyone else to that?).

Con: Security. I seriously would hate to "sanitize" my blog by changing my kids names and calling my husband something extra-cute, like "McLovehandles." Yeah, if I go for it, I go whole hog.

Pro: Increased traffic and the potential to meet some really cool people!

Con: Advertising and junk like that. I'm fundamentally lazy and so not sure if I could deal with corporate sponsorship. Who am I kidding? I don't wanna play by anyone else's rules. Alright, I suppose I can display a button or something. but only for stuff I believe in, OK? Ghiradelli Chocolate, for example. I could easily display that.

Pro: More time to focus on me! Recapping and thinking and telling people, "OOh! Sorry, I've got to blog... Do you think you could do my dishes while I'm inspired?"

Con: I already have two full-time jobs -- the one I'm paid to do and the one I paid to do. I can't find time to hop on a treadmill, would I really have time to be a REAL blogger?

And I might need an editor as I nearly always blog, post, and then discover my typos and such weeks down the line. Thank you, Mozilla Firefox for the built in spel checque...

Anyway, this is some of the stuff about which I am thinking, thinking, thinking...

Par-ty! Par-ty! Par-ty!

Hey! It's a new year! Welcome 2010!

Ages ago, when I was in college, 2010 was the address of THE party house for the theatre department, you know, "Party at twenty-ten!". I can't even say "two thousand and ten" -- it just won't come out of my mouth. I think that there was a standing order for a party there every weekend (and many a weekday). This is, in fact the location of the first kiss I shared with my not-yet-husband many moons ago... Like 17 years ago. Is that right? Holy crap, I'm old...

2009 ended in a vastly different place than I thought it would when I look back to where we were a year ago. Here's the recap!

January: Cold, cold, cold. I had good plans to exercise daily, even going as far as blocking off time on my calendar. I actually did pretty well with this goal, at least for this month. One of my supervisors left and I moved (temporarily) into her old office so that I was closer to students in that program. As a result of the move, I got to use a faster computer. This made me more effective for everything I did, so I was happy with that. I wasn't happy that the office was routinely only 63 degrees and had a breeze...

February: Why can't I remember this month? What happened?

March: Scott celebrated his three-dozenth birthday. He traveled several times, and during one of those trips I came down with an awful, horrible tummy bug and I vomit and pass out in front of my children. That was pretty bad. I don't want to revisit that experience.

April: Busy month -- Scott did a show, I traveled to my last skating competition, and the kids kept growing. Milo continued to follow daddy's interests in Star Wars and Indiana Jones and Violet learned to dress and undress herself. She started talking more, too. We began landscaping the backyard and talk of expanding the swing set because we're "going to be in this house for a while."

May: Scott traveled again, this time to NYC. There had been some talk of me going with him for part of the trip, but it was probably a good thing I didn't as I came down with a freak case of pneumonia and ended up arguing with my physician that she couldn't hospitalize me "because I'm the only parent at home right now!" I paid a babysitter $100 to stay over night in case I was too sick to take care of the kids. After all of the traveling, we managed to get some good family time in and we enjoyed the lush Iowa spring.

June: I got a new supervisor at work! Yay! Who could ask for a better birthday present? Then we traveled to California where we spent two whole weeks with friends, mostly being lazy, but also enjoying the sun, sand, and our friends. I got very excited thinking I might be pregnant, but I wasn't. The kids loved the beach and Milo got to beat Darth Vader in a light saber duel on his fourth birthday.

July: I participated in several committee meetings on campus and feel very good about the feedback I gave and received. I enjoyed getting to know my new colleague and turning over some of her new duties to her. I also sat back and breathed a bit about life in general. We refinanced the house, took a trip to Chicago to meet my on-line mommy friends, and otherwise enjoyed a busy month. Although my family very much enjoyed the trip to Chicago, I decided that the next meet-up will be a mommy-only affair as I was envious of the window shopping and cocktailing my friends did.

August: With both supervisors back on campus, we started gearing up for the new school year. Suddenly, the stuff I have to do seemed less intimidating as I'm not trying to do it and someone else's job. I enjoyed this feeling! We prepped Milo for school and he was alternately excited and terrified. Violet returned happily to daycare and was instantly the sitter's pet. Scott started working on one of the shows he designed. The fall looked busy, fortunately not as busy as last fall, but Scott's schedule, in particular, was daunting as the holidays approached.

September: Violet turned 2! Milo broke his arm! He went on his first ever field trip! I chaperoned my first field trip! We looked at a house and placed an offer on it! It is accepted! And holy-crap-we've-got-to-sell-our-home-ASAP. ASAP.

October: Well, what do you know? Our house sold ASAP on October 3, so we (me) started packing, packing, packing. Halloween was fun, but I can't remember much more than packing, packing, packing. And Milo got his cast off, yeah, that happened in October.

November: MOVE! Got used to driving a little further to work. Got used to having enough room for all of our stuff. I like that feeling! Bought six gallons of paint with the goal of having the entire downstairs (save the kitchen and my bathroom) painted by the new year. Started with the room in which the Christmas tree will live as the gag-a-liscious mauve bird poop faux finish will NOT appear in my Christmas photos. Also had a nasty cyst removed from my leg -- that bugger needed to be packed and dressed four times...

December: Oh, this month dragged on as Scott toured with the Christmas spectacular and took his annual deer hunting trip with his brothers. I had a ton of events on campus this month and raced about on a broken toe trying to photograph everything I'm supposed to shoot. Then I spent the last half-week at work in lazy party mode. Eh... I was even bored enough that I tried starting the novel that lives in my brain and wrote the most awful tripe. Yes, I deleted it. I painted two and a half more rooms and am 1/2 a room short of my goal of having the whole main level painted by the new year. I finished the half room on New Year's Day. Close enough! I also made a guest post on a friend's blog. It was kinda fun and I liked swearing in a blog post. I don't do that often enough. Fu#k. Da&n. Sh%t.

Spent the last night of 2009 falling asleep at 11:30 with Scotty whooshing away wearing his bi-pap next to me in our new home. Pretty good ending (except that I'm still not pregnant).

What will 2010 bring? Stay tuned for further updates...

Feelin' Lucky or Curse Me -- You Pick!

It was snowing today when I met Scotty for lunch. April 2 and it was snowing... sigh... I am really ready for winter to be done. I want to put my kids to bed in their totally cute spring jammies! I want to go for a run outside so that I can listen to music and daydream of a bigger house. Or maybe just a cleaner house...

It is going to be a long week for the kiddos -- both Scott and I were gone last night (him for final dress rehearsal and me for synchro) and we're going to opening night of his show tonight together -- so babysitters for two nights in a row. Boo, hiss... It's times like this that I fantasize about winning the lottery.

What are my lotto plans? (After the charitable giving, endowing, and trust-funding, of course)
1. Stop working. Yeah, I like my job, but I'd sure as heck like more time with my kids.
2. Join the gym and take some cardio kick, yoga, and pilates classes. I miss group sweat...
3. Buy a large-ish parcel of land and build a house. Maybe this one: cool house
4. Lasik eye surgery. So that I can see without glasses for a while before I'm old enough to need reading glasses.
5. Get a bigger vehicle. Not that I dislike my clown-car Jetta...
6. Eat organic and HFCS free. Why doesn't the government make this food more accessible to more people? Seriously...
7. Cloth diaper Violet's little tushie! I wouldn't have to work around the "no cloth diapers at daycare" issue since she wouldn't be at daycare. Of course, this could resolve itself if she potty trains this summer.
8. Buy expensive shampoo and cosmetics. I'm Estee Lauder fabulous on a Target budget.
9. Conceive Baby Olinger #3 ASAP. No waiting until Milo is in school so we can afford to complete our family.
10. After Baby Olinger #3 and the miraculous effects of #2 and #6, I'll have lost so much weigh that I'll need a tummy tuck. OK, so I normally think plastic surgery is for the vain, but I really hate my stretched-out, flabbily-hanging belly. If I lose weight, it's still gonna be there and I'm sort of appalled by this. I think I'll have the plastic surgeon do the tummy tuck and pierce my navel at the same time.
11. Travel. There's so much of this world that I want to see... Of course, Scott dreams of going OFF this world, so he'll likely want to buy a seat on some space mission. Because I nearly have a heart attack watching him balance on the top of a ladder, let alone blasting into space...
12. Drink a glass of lovely wine every night. In a not-an-alcoholic way, of course. But I really am craving a peppery shiraz right now.
14. (I skipped 13 so this can be a luckier list) Learn to play the cello and throw a pot. I think that these are two things at which I might be pretty good.
15. Skate more often. Like taking lessons again. Learn to spin, fer cryin' out loud! I don't really care if I jump, but I think I'd love to ice dance.
16. Buy almost everything in the Pottery Barn Kids catalog. I seriously want those rooms for my kids! Violet Milo Baby #3 or Baby #3
17. Entertain friends in our home. No one can really stay with us right now -- we've got two bedrooms. It would be nice to be able to fly in people we love for a visit...
18. Go to more cultural events. I'm swamped by mommy-guilt and stymied by lack of finances, but I would support the local arts organizations if I spent all day with the kids because I wouldn't feel terrible about leaving them at night. And, if I was rich enough to sneeze $20.00 bills, then affording tickets wouldn't be a worry.
19. Reset my wedding ring. There's an itty-bitty-teenie-weenie-little diamond that fell out of my ring 10 years ago. And got lost. And hasn't been replaced. I'd also do something channel set so that it doesn't double for a weapon anymore.
20. I'd probably stop blogging. Since I'm really a lunch-hour blogger and rarely, if ever, get on the computer when at home with my children.

I dunno... I guess if you enjoy reading my blog you could curse me to never win the lottery. It's OK -- I wouldn't know it was you, anyway... So, let me know -- are you wishing me luck in my endeavor or will you curse me to a lifetime of blogging?

I got the blahs...

There are so many things I should be doing right now. Blogging isn't necessarily one of them, but here I am. I have a to-do list a mile long for work and the house is a pit, due mostly to sick kids the past week. I haven't been able to properly clean as the dining room catch-all went to Hades when I was in Denver -- it is simply not a priority for Scott to keep things orderly. But I have always known that bout him, so I have little about which to complain. I married him knowing that he doesn't like to put stuff away until he suddenly can't find something important.

We have been watching Battlestar Galactica (the new version) and it makes me want to act. I haven't been onstage since fall of 2000 and that's a really long time for me. But the idea of rehearsing a show in the evenings whilst working all day seems cruel -- I'd be losing precious time with my babes. The time is so short that I don't want to miss any minute of it. So my creative energy is stifled right now.

I've fallen off the exercise wagon and can't seem to get back on it. I'll force myself to run tonight before the kids go to bed. It's important and I need to do it. Half an hour and the treadmill is right there in the room with them.

I've also been browsing house plans. I think it's sort of nuts to think we can afford to build a home right now. Like, really nuts. I don't think Scott has a good grip on exactly how expensive it will be. Concrete and HVAC cost moolah and a lot of it. Yes, we can do most of the rest of it, but I don't know that it is the right move for us this instant. On the other hand, I think we can fit three kids in the nursery if we have to -- Milo will love sleeping in a loft above Violet's toddler bed, I just know it! We're not expecting a third yet, but one of these days...

Speaking of the kids, Milo will start preschool next year, yay! And boo because he's getting older and behaving more and more like a real kid. Although he was asking me yesterday what would happen as he gets older and I said, "Well, you may not believe it now, but when you get older you won't want me to kiss you goodnight and you'll think everything I say is stupid."

His eyes widened and he clutched my hand tighter, "No, Mommy, you're smart! You are always smart! I love it when you kiss me good night!"

I do, too, baby...