I'm in a feisty mood today. Not sure why, but I wanna be a tough girl, a bad girl, a rock star or something. I don't wanna be the pudgy mama(again)-to-be that I am. I want to have spiky pink hair and wear fishnets and have a totally hot bod. I wanna pierce my belly button and wear shirts that reveal a gorgeous, flat abdomen with shorts so short you're not quite sure if they are underwear or not.
No, I don't. Well, maybe the hair.
But I came to the complete realization this weekend that my body will never, ever not be the body of a mom. Even if I lose all the weight I dream of losing, the resulting excess skin will make it impossible for me to think about piercing my navel or tattooing my hip. My stretchmarks already show a road map of pregnancies past -- and this is without the upcoming gigundous belly I'll have as I get closer to term with the twins.
Don't get me wrong -- it's completely worth ruining my physique to have my kids. But that doesn't mean that I can't feel a little sad about losing the rest of my body, does it?
Maybe it's the prospect of spending the entire winter in maternity clothes, including a coat that is currently so large on me that I look like I'm wearing my grandfather's pea coat. Yeah, I'll likely need all that room and then some for my belly, but the shoulders are wide enough that I could hide Violet in there with me and no one would be any wiser.
I'm pretty sure that everyone I know is gonna get tired of my maternity wardrobe: three pairs of pants, one pair of jeans, and about 8 shirts. Oh, well -- at least I do cute hair, right? Nope -- my current state of affhair is not quite curly, not quite straight and mostly messy with lots of fly-aways due to the lack of moisture in the air. It's not quite Carrot Top, but also not Rita Hayworth anymore.
My once easy skin has been a disaster this pregnancy. Normally it is smooth, glowing and porcelain white during pregnancy. But not this time. Who knows where the next zit is hiding... My chin has gotten the worst of it and I've given up trying to use concealer. Courtenay, the red-chinned mama... had a very shiny chin...
So what DO I have going for me? My body likes carrying babies. Milo and Violet were happy, comfy, snug and healthy. I can only hope the same for the twins. I grow nice big babies -- Milo was 8lbs 1.5 oz and Violet was 8lbs 9.5 oz. And, aside from struggling like a turtle if I accidentally end up on my back, I get around pretty well for a fat pregnant lady. These are all great things, indeed.
But I wouldn't mind being able to wear a killer black dress and fishnets after it's all said and done...