Sunday, July 18, 2010

Piddling at the Pool

We are a family of vampires.

Well, not quite, but I'm a red-head, my kids are blonde, and my hubby hisses at the sun.  Collectively, we are half a shade darker than an albino.  I should own stock in a sunscreen company.  In case you haven't ever seen me in real life, I'm pale.  My kids got screwed in the "healthy glow" department.

So when you see us at the pool, you are very likely to find us as the only family who swims in suits comparable to what our great-great-grandparents wore in 1902.  My kids wear shortie wetsuits, Scott swims in a rash guard t-shirt, and I wear *gasp* men's trunks with my tankini top.  OK, that's mostly because I have shaving issues, but we are easily the most covered up family splashing around.

Maybe that makes me stand out like a sore thumb or maybe that makes me seem crazy exotic, but whatever the case, it attracts lonely kids like moths to a flame.  The last three times I have been at the pool, clearly occupied with own little water nymphs, I have been approached (more like mobbed) by needy little boys.  Three different boys.

One was very, very interested in my kids' water toys.  Since we were three minutes from the pool closing, I let him use a water shooter.  Until I caught a woman, who was sitting on a deck chair, glaring at me like I was molesting her kid.  Thankfully, the last splash whistle blew and we were done for the evening.

The next was a kid right about Milo's age.  So five-ish.  He sidled up to me with some inane five-year-old chatter, then proceeded to splash my face with a full-on tidal wave.  I was wearing my contact lenses, so I turned my back to him because I didn't want him to wash my lenses right out of my eye.  The kid was clearly not a whiz with subtlety because he kept splashing my back.  Scott noticed and warned him, "You don't want to splash he, buddy, she'll splash you back."

But he continued to splash me until his mother FINALLY got up off her deck chair and told him, "Splashing is not nice.  Please leave her alone so I can get back to my book."

Hmm...  interesting pattern of kids not being supervised well by mothers who are working on their tans instead of keeping track of their progeny, huh?  Maybe the best pool moms are the palest?

The third kid was easily the most strange.  I do not know if he had a parent or guardian at the pool or not, but I was sitting on the edge while Violet was bouncing around me with our dive sticks when out of nowhere a kid, probably eight or nine, practically climbed into my lap with a broken inner tube. 

"Here," he said.

"Umm, that's not mine.  Is it yours?"


Cue uncomfortable silence as I sit there with a strange kid in my lap...

"OK, then.  I'm going to set this on the side in case someone comes looking for it and you can go back to your friends or mom or whatever."

As he sidled away, I looked over at a friend and she was clearly as puzzled as I was.  Why on earth would a kid that age just climb into a strange vampire woman's lap?  Beats me...  maybe it was a good thing that he didn't have a parent/guardian/adult paying close attention to him, because if I was his mom and had noticed him climbing on another mom, I certainly would have been suspicious.  Especially if she was as pale as the undead.


Bethany@ImperfectMom said...

Ugh-other people's kids annoy me. Not all kids, just the ones who's parents have cleary "checked out". A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting on the built in sitting ledge in the pool. This little boy climbed over me no less than 5 times to get over to his Mom, and then back to wear he was jumping into the pool right beside me. (I was there first, and there was plenty of room by his Mom.) She never said a word to him.

Brianne said...

Your family sounds like half of mine! lol I like to say I have a "moon tan". I pretty much glow in the dark. Unfortunately two out of 3 of my kiddos inharitaed my glow. Thankfully my son, who is as pasty as I am, manages to tan. I didn't learn that until this summer though. I don't tan, I freckle, and BURN. (To a crisp.)

I don't do well with strange kids. At least you seem to know what to say, I just kind of stare at them awkwardly praying I can make them go away with some sort of jedi mind trick. lol

"Maybe the best pool moms are the palest?"

Love that! ^_^

WildThingsMom said...

This is why I try to teach Finn about a person's "bubble space." We all have it and we all need it- vampires included.

Helene said...

Oh man, I get the same thing from the lonely kids at the pool. We have several nannies who bring kids to the pool and they sit there reading their books and texting while I'm playing with "their" kids and my own kids! I'm like, "Dude, I have 4 of my own kids...I don't need MORE kids to watch in the pool".

Part of me wants to find out who the parents are of these children and let them know that their nannies barely watch them at the pool.

My husband is a vampire too...he's very pale and hates the sun. I love the sun so choosing vacation spots is a bit of a touchy subject for us...LOL!!

Crystal Escobar said...

Oh that is so funny!!! haha, I can just picture that. Hilarious!!!

vanita said...

I don't get that about some moms. What's the point taking your child out if you're not going to spend time with him? Sheesh. It's like around here they figure "I'll just take him to the park to get him out of my hair".

Heh, i keep my kids glued to me when we go out, no wonder they're afraid of strangers. And the neighbors.

Mae Rae said...

you and i are not the same in the shade of skin category but definately in the attracting the strange kid. My husband says that I have a honing beacon somewhere and if he could disable it it would make trips in public so much more enjoyable.

Rhonda Schrock said...

Ha ha ha! Great post!

Carrie said...

LOL! Love this! Mark is so fair he practically glows in the dark. He hates to be in the sun at all. I tease him about being a vampire. I had to come read this after I saw your comment on my blog. I figured there was a story behind it!