Last night, my son's elementary school had an outdoor event for the whole family! Fun, fun, fun! And it was, at least the first 20 minutes of it.
And then I realized that I needed to use the bathroom. Badly. And Violet was sitting on my lap. Perhaps sitting is inaccurate -- she was sitting, sliding, climbing, bouncing, wiggling, melting, squiggling, poking, prodding, and jostling on my lap.
And I had to pee.
Since we were outside, my super power of Crazy Allergies kicked into high gear. And I started sneezing. Every 45-60 seconds, as regular as Old Faithful. And I don't sneeze tiny, dainty girl sneezes. Nope, I sneeze sneezes that sound like car accidents, metal crunching metal, splintering glass -- horrible, hideous man-sneezes.
With Violet "sitting" on my lap. While I had to pee.
I have given birth to an 8lb boy with the head of a two-year-old and an 8.5lb girl with an appropriately sized head. Bladder control? What's that? Haven't seen you in years.
So this is adding up to a NOT GOOD situation for me. I excuse myself and assume that since there are 350 people gathered on the lawn of the school, at least one door would be open so that someone could use a restroom.
I was wrong. Painfully, waddling like a sick duck wrong.
I weighed my options:
1. Run to my office 4 blocks away.
2. Go to the car, grab some wipes, and relieve myself behind something.
3. Track down someone with keys in that sea of people, oh, did I mention the program was starting?
4. Drive somewhere with a bathroom as fast as I can.
My only real option was #4. So, if you happened to be at the public library last night around 7:55 and noticed a woman flying through the stacks to the bathroom and heard her practically cry with relief as she peed like an elephant, yep, that was me.