There are some days that I love being a mom, really love it -- not just say I love it because I'm overwhelmed and exhausted and need to say it to remind myself that I do. I wrap my entire being around my life, infused with energy and goodwill from my children, knowing that, at least for this one moment, I am doing it right.
There is so much uncertainty that goes with parenting, so much second guessing. I have never felt less sure of myself than I do now, when instinct and intelligence battle daily. My instinct is always, first and foremost, to show my children love. My intellect riots when, instead of demanding an over-tired toddler sit in time-out, I cradle the child close, rocking and soothing, instantly forgetting and forgiving the transgression because I just ache from places I didn't know existed when they cry.
Today I had one of those moments of clarity when I felt sure, felt competent, felt that what I am doing and how I approach my children is right.
Milo's first bit of homework is an "All About Me" project. Scott helped him complete a worksheet on Sunday night and I helped him decorate a paper-wrapped shoe box with markers and an odd assortment of stickers (Halloween, Batman,Chocolate Labs, and dots). He had to place three objects in the box which give insight into who he is.
His first selection is a small figure of a Chocolate Lab. His second selection is one of his Star Wars guys -- he waffled for a while about whether or not he wanted to put one in, but ultimately decided that they really are his favorite toys. His third selection? I suggested a Wii game, a book, his favorite food, a plastic egg (because of the chickens), a tractor, a car and numerous items. He refused all of them.
Finally he said, "Mom, why can't I just put in a picture of my family? They are the most important thing to me and I want to share that. I'm me because of my family."
Talk about blown away...
Of course I immediately printed a picture for him and let him tuck it safely into his box.
The other part of the assignment is a "Meaning of My Name" note. So I quickly typed up an explanation of how he got his name. When I read it aloud to him, his eyes filled with tears and he squeezed me more tightly than he's ever squeezed me before. He whispered, "Mom, that's the most beautiful story I have ever heard. Thank you and I love you."
Naturally, this turned on my waterworks, too. And we both sniffled sweetly at each other for a moment, that moment when I felt like the best mom in the world.