If you're stopping by from the Ultimate Blog Party 2010, here's my party post!
Tomorrow is Kindergarten Round-Up for my lil' fella. He also got his first invitation to a classmate's birthday party. And he thinks one of his teeth is a wee bit wiggly. Yeah, that screech was the sound of my heart stopping a bit when I realized that my baby ain't no baby any more...
Which brings me to my kindergarten year. Sigh... I'm going to go ahead and admit that I was a precocious little snot who didn't play well with others. At all.
In fact, once I realized that none of them could read, I was pretty much done with them. Why waste my time on those immature, stupid little booger-eating Neanderthals?
For the life of me, I cannot figure out how I thought knowing how to read was a prerequisite for Kindergarten. And telling time, doing basic math, writing and all the stuff kids learn AT school. But that's what I thought, and because I thought that, I just knew my classmates were all dumb.
Apparently the teacher called my mother for a conference when she realized that it wasn't that I was too shy to talk to my peers, it was that I was simply too stuck-up. Bet that was a fun phone call...
This was pretty much the beginning of my whole good-girl/teacher's pet thing. I never really tried to be that, in fact, in college, I would slump in the back row of a 35 student class, trying to hide behind some tall guy, pretending to not listen. But it never failed, the instructor would say something that sparked my interest and I'd make eye contact and BAM! That was the end of anonymity. Every darn class. My papers and tests would come back with "Insightful" or "Great image" or "I think you would be a brilliant English scholar!"
The problem? I was still that little girl in kindergarten, still unsure around my classmates, still awkward and sensitive, and keenly aware of the daggers they would stare into my back when I set the curve on an exam for which I didn't study -- although, by the time I got to college I at least knew not to admit that. Even when I was trying to underachieve, to slack off, to just be average I was unsuccessful.
This is the baggage I carry with me into Kindergarten Round-Up tomorrow. I am trying desperately to not let my anxiety spill into Milo -- he is perceptive and intuitive, too. Sometimes I see so much of me in him... I just hope he has an easier time of it, that's all. That he makes friends and enjoys school. That he leads with his kind heart and sweet nature. That when the classwork is too easy, he doesn't complain -- at least not as loudly as I did.