This was inspired by my lovely friend and frequent commenter, Vernetta. If you ever get the chance to meet Vern, take it! She's a great and generous person and super mom to the cutest red-heads ever and she has a damn perky little bum, to boot!
Listed below are several ways that I am plotting to get revenge upon my offspring, please feel free to leave me some more ideas in comments...
When they invite me to dinner, I will reluctantly approach the table, stomping my feet and whining. When my food is in front of me, I will glare at them like they have put poison out for me to eat and 'cweam "I don't LIIIIIiiiiIIIIIIKE this!." And then eat all of it because I totally forgot that I do like it.
I promise to balk going to the car, then dash over when I realize it's a race, then cross my arms and insist, "It's not fair!" when Scott beats me into his carseat. Because "I waaaaaaAAAaaaaated to be first!"
When we go out to eat, I will loudly insist that I "weally DO want ticken nuggets," then, when our food comes to the table and I realize their food is better than mine, I will whine until they give me half their salmon. Which is, of course, what they proposed when they suggested we share before I decided I wanted "ticken nuggets."
I will dance around naked, dash away from them when I'm slippery and wet out of the bath, then blame them when I slip on my own wet feet and bump my head. They should have toweled me off sooner, fer corn's sake!
I will have a fit when they are getting dressed for work, demanding they wear turquoise "flop-flops" to work because they match their turquoise shirts, regardless of the 18 inches of snow on the ground.
Finally, any time they try to introduce me to someone they like, I will bury my head on their butt-cheeks and pretend to be their third leg. Double points if I tug so hard on their skirts that I expose their undies.