Monday, October 6, 2008

Cranky Mama

Well... I haven't written in a while. D'oh!

Life is busy and good. As in lots of stuff to do and to get done and not quite enough time. I'm having trouble focusing, it seems. I don't know if this is a by-product of not quite enough sleep for the last year or if I'm just old and fat and tired of it.

The kids are good -- we went to our first parade this weekend. I'm not sure why we haven't been to a parade yet, other than we haven't seen one that fit conveniently into our schedule. Anyway, both kids were entranced for the first fifteen minutes, then Violet's attention wandered and she thought running out into the street would be a better idea than staying close to mommy and Milo. Milo was amazed and excited and awfully dang cute -- his jaw scraped the pavement when he realized that the paraders threw candy, "Mom! I didn't know that they would be throwing CAAAANDYYY!" He dutifully handed the chewing gum to his older cousins without protest -- mostly because his bag was full of Tootsie rolls and what could be better than that?? We listened as the marching bands came by, I pointed out the instruments. Milo thought those were "coo" (cool). Violet didn't flinch at the noise, so I assume that she enjoyed them, too. Although, neither was impressed by the horse brigade. I assume that Milo is sharing his new-found parade expertise with his buddy at daycare this morning.

I seem to have kicked the cold from which I was suffering last week without any lasting damage. Milo did not catch it and Violet has learned to dodge approaching tissues with great accuracy. She's perfected the head bob and wipe nose with own hands technique -- which she has yet to realize means I'll then wipe her nose AND wash her hands.

I've had a rotten time on my skates lately -- not falling or struggling or anything, just not motivated and pretty down on myself for not doing things. I was pretty grumpy at synchro practice last week, though my teammates insist I wasn't, but I feel like I was cranky and pushing the coach a bit. As in whining because others just weren't skating fast enough. Although, I simply refuse to try and slow a spiral -- it's impossible to slow going forward because using my toepick would mean tripping and that's just a bad idea. Although I really like our new program, history has shown that when S and I skate together, we generate a lot of speed. And then some shifting has meant that L is on ine side of me and S in the other -- so we're off to the races and may very well leave many in the dust. The back end of our spiral line (L, me, S and J) are the one who push into the element, so we're pushing from the back, which causes this whole caterpillar thing and ... anyway... I kept coming back to it and so on. Sorry guys! I guess pissy = power when I'm skating, because I surely was in a pissy mood.

I actually felt a little hormonal -- like I was cranky just for the sake of being cranky. It happened again on Saturday morning -- I felt completely out-of-whack and stubborn and generally negative. I don't like feeling like that, but I seem to have hit a wall woth my progress and since I can't afford lessons at the moment and my practice time on Saturday morning has steadily eroded as life gets a later and later start that morning I feel hopless and like a lost cause. My skills just aren't going to get better because I don't have the time, enery and now motivation to make it happen. Ugh... I hate admitting defeat like that. I hate feeling so negative and I'm really frustrated with myself about it.

I guess we'll see what this week brings...

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