Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Good idea from a friend.

So I have an old friend who challenged himself to blog daily for... I don't know how long. This challenge has apparently been sitting on the bench in my mind, waiting for a chance to play. And it would ask me, occasionally, "Hey, coach! Can I go in now?" My constant answer was, "Soon. I just need to..." Need to what? Need to get STUFF done. There is always STUFF.

Most of my STUFF is the routine of daily life. Truly, two parents, two jobs, two kids, and two dogs take up an enormous amount of energy. And is seems to me that my energy is just going out there -- not really impacting any one thing with any oomph! Kind of like the hissing dispersal of gas leaking through a broken hose in any movie that has a space ship. Not really enough of a leak to harm the ship, but also not really enough of a leak to move it in a good direction, either. You can't really move a starship with a fart, in other words.

Whoa -- didn't mean to bring out the "f" word in my first blog. I guess living with a three-year-old has rubbed off on me. He's quite the kid, too. Love him like crazy. He's a rather intense little fellow and I think he may be spoiled due to his daddy's lack of willpower when it comes to the toy aisle in Target. But at least he's using the potty now. He is a child of unusual humor. There are times that I watch him and he still takes my breath away.

I worry for no particular reason that I'm not worrying enough about my second-born. She's a true delight -- quite possible the happiest baby I've ever met. I sort of feel that she's not quite real -- that her little spirit is as ethereal as a wisp of fragrance, that she's almost too good. She has an uncanny grace for an 11-month-old. Nothing seems insurmountable to her and few things frustrate her.

My husband is my sanity. I cannot imagine how different life would be had I not fallen for him. I never expected to meet my other me at 19, nor could I imagine the growth I've had since I gave in and fell. He is so compassionate and caring, I love him for how he loves the people in his life. I am awed by his parenting and proud of his accomplishments in life. He's a good man, and I'm glad he's mine.

Still, with all of these blessings, I am feeling unfocused. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up and, sad to say, I am grown up. I celebrated my 35th birthday this summer after a whirlwind tour to Denver for lil sis's wedding. My birthday was the last day in a job and a busy last day there. I'd had three hours of almost sleep and didn't really enjoy the day.

So, I've decided to let the blog challenge come into the game -- to see if I can rally and find my center again. Part of this is going to be a fitness/diet blog -- I think I just need to be more accountable to myself in how I'm caring for myself. So tonight is Synchro, tomorrow I'm going to bring my hand weights to the office and sneak in a few reps whilst waiting on the 'puter. Dietary changes are going to be harder to make. I understand that. I like exercise, I don't like to not eat yummy stuff.

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